Grieving, Part II

 A few random thoughts along the way.... 

It is very weird to have no one left to ask questions about my childhood.
 
I am now the only one alive with certain memories.

First holiday season without Mom is just around the corner.

"Life goes on" is oh so...layered.

It's odd how lonely it feels with both parents gone.

"Live each day like it's your last" actually seems rather impractical; but, "love each day like it's your last" seems like a very good idea.

You're Approved!

How many times have I seen these words? Pre-approved for a loan, a credit card, and so on. When I was younger, this kind of thing excited me. Now, however, anything with those words on it pretty much always goes directly into the trash. There is one context, however, in which I really want to hear those words:

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
 - 2 Timothy 2:15

With all that has happened over the last several years in my church, and the (post-)post-modern world in which we live, I am understanding (remembering?) more and more just how vital this is. (And I am not alone.) Over the last several years, I have had to re-examine some basic, fundamental beliefs I have held for quite some time.

What do I really believe?
Why do I believe it?
Am I still living based on what a person told me many years ago (Hebrews 5:11-14)?
Why do I do what I do?
Could I, if I had to, defend these beliefs?

In terms of my "core" Christian beliefs, I am more solid than ever, especially since I have been able to see them tested for over 18 years! I refer more to my "church" beliefs. For, as I have learned, there can be a distinct difference between what the Bible teaches and what people teach, even if those people go to my church. (I would say this is why God calls us all to be like the Bereans, something that can be easily forgotten.)

To illustrate what I'm talking about, let's talk about Acts 2:42. If you are a member of my church, you have heard this Scripture literally more times than you could count. One way it is used very often is to "teach" others that we need to be committed to church. But, is that actually what it's talking about? Let's think for a minute, here. At the time, the tradition of "church" as we know it had not even been "invented" yet. Not to mention, if I'm going to "enforce" vs 42, I MUST do the exact same with vs 45, vs 46, Acts 4:32, and so on. Am I? (Are you?)

Quite simply, if I do just a little "Berean-esque" digging, I find that Luke is talking about way more than just church; he is talking about devotion to the overall community, or family, of believers. Church is just one means of fellowship; yet, how many times have I used this verse on myself or someone else to achieve commitment to church?

(Along these same lines, what about Hebrews 10:25? Same thing. If I use the brain God gave me, I have to admit that occasionally missing church and "giving up meeting together" are not synonymous! See also Colossians 2:20-23 and Galatians 3:1-5, and contrast with Colossians 3:1-3.)

Now, I am not saying that church is not important. As a matter of fact, minus sickness or my current eight weeks of night school, I'm at church. Every week. Twice a week. But why do I go? It's simple: I need it. I need the fellowship. I benefit from the focused reminders of what is real, true, and good. And, though I generally have a hard time truly believing this, others need me as well. It is not because the Bible teaches that missing church inevitably means going to hell; it does not! Church is kind of like eating right and exercising: the outcomes (of attending vs. not attending) are not guaranteed, but boy the likelihood of certain outcomes sure is greatly influenced!

So what am I saying? I'm saying that I need to know whether I am a church drone, a modern-day Pharisee, or an approved workman. (And I am not alone.)

Glad To Be Alive

I'm noticing lately how often I hear a Christian say something like, "any day above ground is a good one." (Maybe this has something to do with how my peers and I just keep getting older ;).)  I find this strange, though.  Shouldn't we, more than anyone else, be looking forward to death? I mean, I am obviously well acquainted with the sadness that follows death on the parts of those who are still alive; but, even Paul knew which was better:

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
 - Philippians 1:21-24

I can most relate to Paul's torn feelings when I think of my wife and kids. I realized lately how completely paralyzed by fear I have been for quite some time (well, over seven years, actually). With my dad's death when I was young, to the sudden death of a man I pretty much regarded as the perfect example of a Christian, husband, father, and friend, I have found myself terrified of "leaving my children" before they're ready.

As a wise man and friend recently pointed out, however, we are never ready for our parents to die! I should know: my mom's death four months ago really has not been any easier on me than my dad's 25 years ago. That's where my faith in God needs to come in.

Do I believe that God meets our needs? Do I believe that God gives us what we need when we need it? Do I believe that God knows best, and that His timing is perfect? Can I, therefore, conclude that I will be around as long as my kids need me to be; and that, whenever I die, at some level it is because they no longer need me?

And can I find peace in this?

I can. I must. I will.

As for whether I personally am glad to be alive...well, the logical conclusion to all this is that someone must actually still need me (a very odd concept, indeed!); so, as long as I am needed, then I guess I'm glad to be alive.  :)

Grieving, Part I

Loss is a part of life. Whether death, break-up, divorce, jobs, dreams, and so on, we all experience loss. A very dear friend of mine, who also happens to be a Marriage and Family Psychologist, recommended a book to me: The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition (thank you, Charles!). I have been reading it for a week now, and I have to say, I highly recommend it to EVERYONE. It seems to focus on "completing" one's grief, which is something I suspect many, if not all of us, need.

The first part lays the foundation by going into all the wrong ways we are taught to deal -- or not deal -- with our grief. It is pretty eye opening!  The second part, which I just started yesterday, begins the nitty gritty "homework" of doing it the right way. With my father's death 25 years ago, five jobs in the last 11 years, a friend dying recently, several dreams, and my mom's death four months ago, I've got my work cut out for me :).

I'll be sharing from my journey as I go, partly for therapeutic reasons, and partly because someone reading this might actually get something out of it. In the meantime, please, if you think you may need this book, pick one up and get started; you'll be glad you did.

Let the digging begin!

Chick-fil-A (Oh Why Not?)

I can hardly believe it has gotten this far. When will it end? It will end, of course, no matter how passionate some are about it right now. After all, when was the last time you or I did anything for Katrina or Tohoku survivors?

Yeah, this too shall pass.

In the meantime, though, I thought I'd weigh in. I wasn't going to at first, but eh, what the heck? No one really cares what I think anyway, so why not. What's one more?

I think that Christians who are gay-bashing, declaring CFA's "record profits" from 8/1 a blessing from God, and just all around contributing to this debacle need to dig deeper into their Bibles, maybe starting with Jesus' interactions with the Pharisees.

I think that folks within, and supporters of, the LGBT community who are attacking said Christians, planning "kiss-in" type events, and the like are hurting their cause way more than they are helping it.

I think that if we don't all take a step back and get over our grand delusion that we not only have a right to have opinions but a duty to air and even impose them, we will ultimately destroy ourselves.

I think that, sadly, no Mr. King, we can't all just get along.

And finally, I think I may just attend one of these "kiss-in's" -- since they're obviously going to happen regardless of what I think -- and, as a Christian, love my gay neighbor. Who knows, I've seen some pretty amazing things happen when I actually choose to do WJWD.

The Hole In Our Gospel

About a month ago, I was sharing with a friend and fellow Christian something that was weighing heavily on my heart. He asked if I had read The Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, because in it the author expresses a lot of the same things I was sharing. I told him I hadn't, and I decided that I wouldn't, since, after all, why read a book that basically expresses the same things I'm already thinking and feeling?

Well, a couple weeks later, it was still on my mind and heart, so I decided to get the book and read it. Wow! You know how every once in a while you read a book you passionately, vehemently wish everyone would read? (And, for those of you who are like me, you wish you had written it?) This is one of those books. (Well, at least, every Christian should read it.) I barely made it two pages into the prologue before I broke down crying!

What can I say about it? How can I do it justice? See, at the beginning of this year, I started reading through the entire Bible for my fourth or fifth time; and, for some reason <cough>, this time I have been noticing over and over how much God talks about serving the poor and needy.  (Like I shared in a previous post, this makes for a really powerful Bible study!) It was impacting me (as any time in God's Word should), and I was beginning to get even more involved than I already was in serving the poor, both locally and globally, and I was feeling pretty good about it. Then I read this book. And BAM!

Why did God destroy Sodom? (Are you sure?)

Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.
 - Ezekiel 16:49

God had His prophet relay their sin in relation to the poor and needy; He didn't even mention the other stuff! And what about what it truly means to know God? I mean, this is something of ultimate importance to those who want to love and follow Him, right? In speaking of King Josiah, God says,

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, 
    and so all went well.
Is that not what it means to know me?"
    declares the Lord.
 - Jeremiah 22: 16

I simply can't do the book justice by sharing parts of it; but, I will share just this one quote: "If we in the Church are truly dedicated to the Great Commission, then we will first have to do something about the 'Great Omission.' " One thing I have learned is, in order to keep the fire burning, it must be repeatedly and frequently stoked. I am going to have to figure out what that means for me. You are up to you :).

So please, if you are a Christian, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please...

Read this book. And let God do to you and with you as He sees fit!

UPDATED 2020:

Reflections on Race

The Church as an Example

Moment of Reckoning

Walk On By

Am I Weak?

Recently a minister in my church talked about how some anti-Christianity folks will say things like, "church is only for weak people," and then he proceeded to refute this line of thinking.  I disagree with him, though.  Church is for weak people.  But here's the thing: we're all weak!  Unfortunately, we are trained from a very young age to see weakness as a bad thing and something to be overcome, or at the very least, hidden.

We are bombarded with messages about how "powerful" and self-sufficient we are, how all we really need we already have within ourselves (man, what nonsense!), all because we are afraid to admit we really don't have all the answers and that we really do need all the help we can get.

In the past few weeks since my mom died, I have seen just how weak I can be.  It hasn't been pretty; and, I am definitely not proud.  (Good thing the only way to truly fail is to give up!)  This, though, is where I turn to God's view of weakness:


...but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say. To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 - 2 Corinthians 12:5-10

Maybe church really is only for weak people (everyone) but the only people who become part of one are those who admit it (few).

Am I weak?  Oh heck yeah!  Sadly, I can't say I've gotten to the point where I delight in that fact yet; but hey...I'm learning.  :)