I never thought I'd be in this situation, but here I am. We are ceasing all treatment and focusing solely on pain relief. In fact, we moved her to hospice earlier today. This means that they will be giving her meds that should finally ease the pain...and death is only a matter of time. It really is very surreal.
Watching her suffer like this has been truly unbearable; yet, so is the fact that I will soon be without both parents. A friend who has been through it told me that it is a deeply lonely feeling; I have already begun to feel it. I am going to miss her so much!!! I mean, SHE'S MY MOM! No one loves you, takes care of you, etc., like your MOM!
Man the memories. For the first several years of my life it was just she and I (my parents got married when I was ten, though I honestly don't remember when we moved in with my dad). I have very fond, cozy memories of those first years.
Now I sit here, watching her sleep. (At least she can sleep; last night was easily one of, if not the, worst nights of my life.) But I sit here, watching her sleep, watching her skin turn yellow, listening to her breathing become "gurgly;" and, well, it SUCKS!
My mom has not had an easy life, not the least of which was having to be mother to the likes of me. But she's a fighter, and she has never given up, and she has done an amazing job. Oh she has her faults, just like everyone else, lemme tell ya :); but, I have never once doubted her love for me and that my good was priority numero uno in our relationship. She has taught me much with her wisdom, even though, sadly, like most young folks, I didn't realize most of it until I got older and had kids myself. (Personally, I think that was the unspoken curse after the stupid fruit-eating disaster in Eden, but that's for another post.) Even when I was being stupid (her words, and now, mine as well), it was all with my good in mind. And that's good enough for me!
I will miss you, Mom, more than words can express; and, my life will simply and genuinely never be the same without you in it as my go-to-anytime, all-time greatest fan!
I love you, Mom!
Watching her suffer like this has been truly unbearable; yet, so is the fact that I will soon be without both parents. A friend who has been through it told me that it is a deeply lonely feeling; I have already begun to feel it. I am going to miss her so much!!! I mean, SHE'S MY MOM! No one loves you, takes care of you, etc., like your MOM!
Man the memories. For the first several years of my life it was just she and I (my parents got married when I was ten, though I honestly don't remember when we moved in with my dad). I have very fond, cozy memories of those first years.
Now I sit here, watching her sleep. (At least she can sleep; last night was easily one of, if not the, worst nights of my life.) But I sit here, watching her sleep, watching her skin turn yellow, listening to her breathing become "gurgly;" and, well, it SUCKS!
My mom has not had an easy life, not the least of which was having to be mother to the likes of me. But she's a fighter, and she has never given up, and she has done an amazing job. Oh she has her faults, just like everyone else, lemme tell ya :); but, I have never once doubted her love for me and that my good was priority numero uno in our relationship. She has taught me much with her wisdom, even though, sadly, like most young folks, I didn't realize most of it until I got older and had kids myself. (Personally, I think that was the unspoken curse after the stupid fruit-eating disaster in Eden, but that's for another post.) Even when I was being stupid (her words, and now, mine as well), it was all with my good in mind. And that's good enough for me!
I will miss you, Mom, more than words can express; and, my life will simply and genuinely never be the same without you in it as my go-to-anytime, all-time greatest fan!
I love you, Mom!
