Manager vs. Leader

What is the difference between a manager and a leader?

This is one of the three questions I now ask in every job interview. What I have found in asking a couple CEOs this question -- and what you will find if you "Google" this question or read any of the many books on the subject -- is what I would call...characteristics, or evidences, of leadership; but, I am looking for the core, fundamental difference between the two.

And quite simply, I think Jesus explained and illustrated this the best, when he contrasted the good shepherd and the hired hand:

 "The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep."
 - John 10:11-13


What is the difference between a manager and a leader?

A leader cares.

A leader cares about his/her people, even to the point of self sacrifice!

(Conversely, a manager cares about self, even to the point of sacrificing his/her people.)

And it is from there that all the other answers/evidences/characteristics/practices that people give in answer to this question, stem.

    vs.

Grieving, Part III: Completion

Yesterday I did something that was very hard to do but was very worth doing: I went on a Griefcation (TM).

This post, however, is not for the purpose of sharing details about what I did yesterday. The purpose of this post is to reach out to a few of you. Loss is a part of life; and, grieving is a part of loss. I have noticed, though, that there seem to be three groups of folks when it comes to loss and grieving: those who get it, those who don't get it yet, and those who refuse to get it. This post is for you in the first group.

The Grief Recovery Handbook (link in upper-right, recommended in an earlier post, still HIGHLY recommended) is basically first half reading and second half assignments. When I started the book a year and a half ago, I got to the assignments and stopped because of how challenging they are. My heart has been weighted down long enough, though, so I decided to just "git 'er done!" So yesterday I had the house to myself and I completed the assignments and the book.*  And I am so glad I did.

Just to clarify: this process is not about never being sad again, or forgetting the loss, or anything like that; I guess I would say that it's about saying good-bye to the power the loss has over you.

So, if you get it, and you've been putting something like this off, I urge you to get to it and get through it! Also, if you think you might want to talk to someone else who gets it, just let me know (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

*Griefcation, and yes I may just trademark that. ;)

George, Trayvon, You, and Me

I've been watching/reading others' reactions all week, as well as having a discussion or two myself, and I think I'm seeing a glimpse of what God intended (Psalm 133:1) through this whole situation. I can't help but notice that every one of us seems to see this entire thing -- from the night in question to the verdict and beyond -- from a perspective borne out of our own experiences (or lack thereof) right up to our current places in life, and the biases that have resulted from them.

I get this; it only makes sense. What makes me sad is how unwilling we usually are to meet in the middle. For example, I just finished watching Obama's statement; and, I have to say that this is the first time I saw him as something more than just another politician. I thought it was really good. Yet, I have already seen one person express that it was divisive and not healing. I literally don't understand that, but there it is. My first thought is that this person (older, White woman) just doesn't get it (i.e., no one is making this a race issue - it already is a race issue, and you either get that or you don't); but, this is her perspective, and it really is not any less valid than mine.

The things is, if we all could discuss things calmly, respectfully, and humbly -- truly listening to each other's perspectives -- we could see different points of view, gain perspective as they say, and truly become the unified family God intended. I mean, just try to imagine what kind of world we could make for ourselves if we brought all our different pieces to the table and put them together.

If only we didn't find this so hard to do (Proverbs 18:2)....

One Year Ago

One year ago yesterday, I made the final decision to move my mom to hospice.

One year ago tomorrow, she died.

One year ago, I simultaneously lived through one of the worst times of my life and got to know some truly wonderful people.

One year ago I got to spend some great time with family, whom I miss...ridiculously.

One year. That can seem like such a long time (like when waiting for something we want), and it can seem like a very short time (like when we remember something we didn't want).

Time and relationships may be the only true assets we have that can't be replaced.
Try to not waste either.

Grieving, Part II

 A few random thoughts along the way.... 

It is very weird to have no one left to ask questions about my childhood.
 
I am now the only one alive with certain memories.

First holiday season without Mom is just around the corner.

"Life goes on" is oh so...layered.

It's odd how lonely it feels with both parents gone.

"Live each day like it's your last" actually seems rather impractical; but, "love each day like it's your last" seems like a very good idea.

You're Approved!

How many times have I seen these words? Pre-approved for a loan, a credit card, and so on. When I was younger, this kind of thing excited me. Now, however, anything with those words on it pretty much always goes directly into the trash. There is one context, however, in which I really want to hear those words:

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
 - 2 Timothy 2:15

With all that has happened over the last several years in my church, and the (post-)post-modern world in which we live, I am understanding (remembering?) more and more just how vital this is. (And I am not alone.) Over the last several years, I have had to re-examine some basic, fundamental beliefs I have held for quite some time.

What do I really believe?
Why do I believe it?
Am I still living based on what a person told me many years ago (Hebrews 5:11-14)?
Why do I do what I do?
Could I, if I had to, defend these beliefs?

In terms of my "core" Christian beliefs, I am more solid than ever, especially since I have been able to see them tested for over 18 years! I refer more to my "church" beliefs. For, as I have learned, there can be a distinct difference between what the Bible teaches and what people teach, even if those people go to my church. (I would say this is why God calls us all to be like the Bereans, something that can be easily forgotten.)

To illustrate what I'm talking about, let's talk about Acts 2:42. If you are a member of my church, you have heard this Scripture literally more times than you could count. One way it is used very often is to "teach" others that we need to be committed to church. But, is that actually what it's talking about? Let's think for a minute, here. At the time, the tradition of "church" as we know it had not even been "invented" yet. Not to mention, if I'm going to "enforce" vs 42, I MUST do the exact same with vs 45, vs 46, Acts 4:32, and so on. Am I? (Are you?)

Quite simply, if I do just a little "Berean-esque" digging, I find that Luke is talking about way more than just church; he is talking about devotion to the overall community, or family, of believers. Church is just one means of fellowship; yet, how many times have I used this verse on myself or someone else to achieve commitment to church?

(Along these same lines, what about Hebrews 10:25? Same thing. If I use the brain God gave me, I have to admit that occasionally missing church and "giving up meeting together" are not synonymous! See also Colossians 2:20-23 and Galatians 3:1-5, and contrast with Colossians 3:1-3.)

Now, I am not saying that church is not important. As a matter of fact, minus sickness or my current eight weeks of night school, I'm at church. Every week. Twice a week. But why do I go? It's simple: I need it. I need the fellowship. I benefit from the focused reminders of what is real, true, and good. And, though I generally have a hard time truly believing this, others need me as well. It is not because the Bible teaches that missing church inevitably means going to hell; it does not! Church is kind of like eating right and exercising: the outcomes (of attending vs. not attending) are not guaranteed, but boy the likelihood of certain outcomes sure is greatly influenced!

So what am I saying? I'm saying that I need to know whether I am a church drone, a modern-day Pharisee, or an approved workman. (And I am not alone.)

Glad To Be Alive

I'm noticing lately how often I hear a Christian say something like, "any day above ground is a good one." (Maybe this has something to do with how my peers and I just keep getting older ;).)  I find this strange, though.  Shouldn't we, more than anyone else, be looking forward to death? I mean, I am obviously well acquainted with the sadness that follows death on the parts of those who are still alive; but, even Paul knew which was better:

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
 - Philippians 1:21-24

I can most relate to Paul's torn feelings when I think of my wife and kids. I realized lately how completely paralyzed by fear I have been for quite some time (well, over seven years, actually). With my dad's death when I was young, to the sudden death of a man I pretty much regarded as the perfect example of a Christian, husband, father, and friend, I have found myself terrified of "leaving my children" before they're ready.

As a wise man and friend recently pointed out, however, we are never ready for our parents to die! I should know: my mom's death four months ago really has not been any easier on me than my dad's 25 years ago. That's where my faith in God needs to come in.

Do I believe that God meets our needs? Do I believe that God gives us what we need when we need it? Do I believe that God knows best, and that His timing is perfect? Can I, therefore, conclude that I will be around as long as my kids need me to be; and that, whenever I die, at some level it is because they no longer need me?

And can I find peace in this?

I can. I must. I will.

As for whether I personally am glad to be alive...well, the logical conclusion to all this is that someone must actually still need me (a very odd concept, indeed!); so, as long as I am needed, then I guess I'm glad to be alive.  :)