Why I Left My Church of 30 Years

As is almost always the case in situations like this, there are multiple reasons.

First, it's very much the same people doing the same things in the same ways as they have for the last 40 years. There is a soul-numbing lack of depth.

Second, they use the language of "family" but they are not. It is Corporate America dressed up as a church. Have genuine friendships developed? Of course. But "coworkers" is a better comparison when looking at the bigger picture:

• People sit in the same place, with the same people, having the same conversations. 
• You matter if you contribute to their bottom line, and you do not if you don't.
• There is a clear "org chart" hierarchy delineating who matters more.
• Questioning leadership will almost certainly not end well for you.

(Their bottom line, though irrefutably intertwined, is not primarily financial; it is growing the church. And while God obviously wants everyone to be with Him in the end (2 Peter 3:9), they mistake God's Prime Directive for theirs. We are called to love Him and each other increasingly well (Mark 12:28-31) and let Him make the fruit grow (1 Cor 3:7). It's almost as if they actually believe He needs our help!)

But for many of us (yes, many of us), the final reason goes much deeper. It is about hurt and harm that has come from abuse, justified by their focus on "the mission," and swept under the rug. Hopefully I can be sensitive to friends and others who have lived this literally(!), but it seems very much like finally admitting you are married to a racist, sexist, abusive narcissist, and you just can't do it any more. In fact, you should not.

I hear some say we should fight to keep the world/local culture from creeping into the church; more and more are realizing it started to do that a long time ago. We have historically prided ourselves on being diverse and not like the world; however, while our membership has been diverse, our leadership and culture have been (and largely continue to be) White, conservative American patriarchy. Again, Corporate America dressed up as a church.

The real problem, though, is that most seem okay staying on this path and definitely NOT okay with owning our mistakes and harm and truly working toward healing and real growth.

And this is why I (and yes, again, so many others) have left / are leaving / will leave.