Current Status: I Am...Good

I recently went through all my blog and Facebook posts from the last several months. Man...I've been pretty angry. I guess that's what happens when 30+ years of suppressed emotions erupt like Mt. St. Helens. There were a few posts this year I quickly deleted after I made them, but all the posts that are still there I stand by. I am not, however, feeling angry anymore.

I am sad, and I am disappointed. I have had to accept some harsh realities and make some difficult decisions with regard to some relationships and situations in my life, and I am definitely grieving the losses. (Heck, I feel like I'm kind of a pro at grieving by now. ;) )

This year has been a time of profound hurt and frustration; a time of self discovery and honesty; and, a time of love and encouragement, seeing who my true friends are. I have some amazing people in my life; people who when I say I'm hurting believe and listen to me, and people who are willing to drive two hours to be with me or open their homes when I need a friend. I don't deserve such good friends, and I am profoundly and eternally grateful!

All in all, I am good. And I will keep going...and growing.

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

 - James 1:12

The Group

The group has a certain mold, not because its the *right* mold (though those who fit the mold will argue this) but because it's the mold that has always worked for the majority...for those who don't rock the boat; for the decision makers, and for those who largely pay their salaries.

It is...truly heartbreaking...to realize you've been part of the group for decades and yet you still are still made to feel like you matter less than others. (In fact, it is eerily like realizing you are in a specific type of toxic/abusive relationship.)

With the latest reminder(s) of all this, I have finally figured some things out:

• When I was a "good boy," oh how they loved me. When I was an honest man, ...eh... not so much.
• I do not need to be part of the group.
• The group does not define me.
• The group is not my identity.
• I don't need the group's approval.
• There is something far more vast than the group's members, and that is where I must fix my focus!
• The group will be just fine without me.
• With friends who love God more than self and care enough about me to get TRULY uncomfortable, I will be fine without the group.

Breonna

Imagine your child is hit and killed by a drunk driver. No, really: stop and actually try to imagine what that would be like.

The driver tells the investigators that your child jumped out into the street in front of him, even though he was honking his horn, and a lone witness corroborates his story. Because of this, the driver is charged with drunk driving but not manslaughter.

Would this satisfy you? Would this feel like justice?

Assuming the AG was telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, they made their decision correctly in accordance with KY law.

Do you understand why this does nothing for the pain, frustration, and yes even anger, of so many? Are you trying to?

Our votes matter now more than ever before! Are any options currently available to us perfect? Not even close. But we must have what it takes to fight the good fight, to persevere even longer, until every official and every law that is tipped against us has been replaced or repealed.

And let us resist peacefully, so that they will have nothing to say against us without blatantly and inarguably revealing that racism, fear, and/or selfishness are truly at the heart of it. They will not change because we throw bottles at them; they will, however, be replaced when we vote them or those who would employ and protect them out!

Moving Forward, For Me

Not long ago, I shared just some thoughts on how to move forward. Since then, I have been trying to follow my own advice. For one thing, I have slowly made the transition from trying to educate the general public (so to speak) to privately addressing individuals in my life. Needless to say, it has been hard; and, the results have been...mixed, at best.

A couple weeks later, I shared on Facebook that I believe the "line in the sand" has already been drawn, but it's not a line between Black and White, Republican and Democrat, or anything like that. It is a line between justice and oppression, love and hate/apathy/selfishness, good and evil. All that remains is showing which side we're all on.

And everyone is watching.

What I'm seeing nowadays is (1) folks who get it, (2) folks who don't get it but are trying, (3) folks who don't get it and aren't trying, and (4) folks who want to stay out of it.

(1) Those Who Get It

What can I say? We are in this together! And we will not stop.

(2) Those Trying

Thank you! A thousand times over, THANK YOU! If you haven't already read it, maybe me sharing my heart will help you or someone you know, even a little.

(3) Those Not Trying

To me, the folks who still "don't get it" or "don't see it" at this point have their own issues. It is not from a lack of explanation or resources. We have neither the energy nor the obligation to keep explaining to those who refuse to listen and just want to air their opinions (Prov 18:2). And frankly, us doing your work for you is kind of a core factor here!

(4) Those Avoiding It

The parable of the lost sheep has been used to try to explain what's wrong with, "All lives matter," and I love that. I'd like to make another point from it:

 - What did the shepherd in the story do?  [Read: DOOOO!]

I will respect your space, but I genuinely don't see how you can stay out of it forever and keep claiming Christ (1 John 3:18), or me as a friend.

For groups 3 and 4: If you do not do the work, you'll have only yourself to blame in the end.

Conclusion

Here's the deal: We all view the issues that come up in life certain ways for all kinds of reasons. With some people I will see eye-to-eye, and with others I won't. Some stuff will be small, and some will be big. It is neither my job nor ability to change anyone but me.

For my own health, for the time being at least, I need to distance myself from folks with whom I "don't see eye-to-eye" on at least some of the really big things (e.g., systemic racism), regardless of how or from where I know them.

I understand that this will seem harsh to some, and still others will judge. C'est la vie.

That's it. Time for me to get back to my work. Good luck and God's grace to us ALL!

Not That Egyptian River

One thing I'm seeing from those who don't get it is an ignorant and/or stiff-necked denial that racism is still a very real problem in the US. (I mean, if Morgan Freeman says it's not, it must be true, right?!) Unbelievable.

Let me be blunt: Every single one of you still claiming that racism is no longer a problem in this country is straight up calling me a liar. You are unequivocally declaring that all the experiences which friends, family members, and I myself have had, even as recently as a couple months ago, (some of which my wife has witnessed), as well as what my daughter had to go through recently(!), are all in my imagination. And you don't even grasp the level of privilege required to be able to do this!

If this is where you are at this stage, either you are just not very bright (sorry, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), or you don't want to see it. (In fact, this also applies to the deflecting, whataboutism, and the like still taking place.) If you are in the former group, I will be praying for God to help you out and for me to have and show you grace.

If you are in the latter group, burying your head in the sand, you are not my friend. You do not actually love or care about me, and words to the contrary mean nothing. Difficult as it may be, I need to move forward. Maybe we'll come back around some day, but frankly that's on you.

 -- And even though I often feel like I'm wasting words, here are 1000 more:

Violence Bad

I'd like to address the "I'm all for peaceful protests, but the violence is just wrong" posts. Like I've expressed before:

• Condemning violence right now is akin to saying all lives matter; you're not wrong, but you are totally missing the point.
• Defending the police with "a few bad apples" while condemning an entire movement based on a handful of incidents of graffiti and vandalism is a blatant and grotesque double standard.

Frankly, still being in this camp is a clear indication that you still don't get it. And at this point, that conveys that you aren't listening. And this translates into you don't care. I know, I know, but let me try to explain, one last time.

See, I too don't like the violence and hope it stops soon (especially for the "mom and pops" that don't have millions in insurance). Read that sentence again. At the same time though, I actually do understand, which keeps me from generically, publicly condemning the violence. So here goes...one last "public" try on my part. Because let's face it, folks who still "don't get it" at this point have their own issues. It's not from a lack of explanation.

Let's dive right in, shall we? Watch the whole video.

Now, can you FEEL what she is feeling? If you can't, guess what.

Can you UNDERSTAND that this is what millions of us are feeling?!

Don't preach, lecture, or tell Black folks how to behave, not even in the name of Jesus (Who, again, fashioned a whip, flipped over tables, and irrefutably does care about justice).

Listen! Empathize!! TRY TO UNDERSTAND!!!

I would like to humbly make a suggestion. What if, instead of posting opinions on social media and elsewhere that will be liked by those just like you and not liked by everyone else -- it's not helping anyway! -- you start a private conversation with one person in your life who is "on the other side" of things and whom you call friend?  (Yes, I am doing this myself.)

If you don't have anyone like this in your life, well then Karen, maybe...try to make some new friends...?

Finally, know that refusal to even try this suggestion shows your true colors more loudly and clearly than any post or comment ever could. And yes, everyone is still watching.

Well that's it. On to more fruitful endeavors. I sincerely hope this prompts even one more person to start digging deeper.

Violence Bad - Redirect

I had to re-create this post, here.

How Do We Get There From Here?

Among Your Personal Relationships:

Share your story.

 - Joshua 1:9, Proverbs 17:17

Listen! Acknowledge. Own.
 - Proverbs 18:2, James 1:19, 1 Corinthians 12:26

Forgive. Extend grace!
 - Matthew 6:14-15

Never stop calling it out.
 - Ezekiel 16:49, Isaiah 58:6, Galatians 6:2

Be ready to make the tough choice.
 - Matthew 7:6, Matthew 10:14


Beyond:
All of the above as appropriate.

Neither forget nor underestimate the power of your vote and your dollar.

Take action!


We will all be at different places with regard to these steps, and many of us more than one and at different times.

Doing this work will not be pretty or comfortable, but it must be done. And you must do your own work; no one else can (or should) do it for you. If you can Google...anything, you can do this work; there are countless resources available (see below for just a few). Don't let the "fatigue" stop you. And of course, we who do will be glad we did...and our children even more so!

Resources to get you started:

• Monuments and Flags
• 13th
• Full of Grace & Truth

Current Status: I Am Not Ok

[Per some strong recommendations years ago (Erin, Shelly) I was finally going to make my first video, but I couldn't even get through typing this without sobbing.]

Current status: I am not ok.

I am angry. I am VERY angry. I am pretty certain I'm angrier than I have ever been in my life (and in case you don't know, that's saying something).
In fact, this young woman expresses very well how I and so many others are feeling.

I have lived this my whole life.
My dad lived this his whole life (and my mom by his side).
And now MY KIDS ARE STARTING TO LIVE IT!
 - I recently had to have "The Talk," in fact. You either know how this feels or you don't.
I am angry at myself for how long I've stuffed it all!
And I am angry at all those who have made me feel like I had to.

I am hurt. I am VERY hurt.
I am hurt by all the painful memories of my experiences with racism.
I am hurt by all the painful memories of my friends' experiences with racism.
I am hurt by all the times my other friends did nothing...or worse.
I am hurt by all my friends ("friends?") who are doing/saying nothing EVEN NOW!
And I am hurt by all my "friends" who apparently can only condemn riots.

PSA Time: 

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe.”
- Elie Wiesel

• If you think that just not being the guy who murdered someone is enough, you are wrong.
• If you think that all we need to do is pray, "make disciples," and get along, your understanding of God's heart and Jesus' time on Earth is woefully inadequate and shallow.
• If you just want to keep stating that not all cops are bad, don't bother: I agree. The thing is, we're not hating or trying to spread hate. (Some may be, but someone's ALWAYS doing that about something.) What we want is for people to understand how saying "not all cops are bad" is not just useless (because we're not stupid), but harmful because it comes across as not listening, which translates to not caring. Also, defending the police with "a few bad apples" while condemning an entire movement based on a handful of incidents of graffiti and vandalism is a gross and obvious double standard. Please watch this and dig deeper.
• If you only want to argue that all lives matter, please read this and dig deeper.
• If you or someone you love hasn't lived it and you are not even willing to TRY to understand, and/or if any of this offends you, you are part of the problem. Seek to understand respectfully or just be quiet.

And yes, I shall now even get political: Do you still support Trump even after how he has handled all of this?!

If you want to "disagree with me" on these things, I will not be discussing anything with you unless and until you have *at the very least* watched these two videos, in their entirety, actually paying attention (and I will test you):

• 13th (also available on Netflix)
• Full of Grace & Truth (if you call yourself a Christian, though it's good for everyone 😉)

I am still very much processing. I do not have all the answers. One thing I think I can say with confidence, though, is: We have had enough, and we are not going away.

This Is Me

I have decided that it is time (finally?) for me to take a note from the people I've seen talk about and act on removing toxicity from their lives.

First and foremost, I am a Christian (though not your stereotypical Christian). And I am tired of not being fully me because it might ruffle people's feathers. I am not talking about sin, and I am sick of people calling things sin that are not.

Being a Christian does not mean I don't care about things that happen to people in this life. After all, Jesus didn't feed roughly 15,000 people because they would become Christians. Knowing most of them would not, he fed them because they were hungry! Prayer is good; trying to help others come to Christ is great; but, if that's all you think we need to do, you need to dig deeper. In fact, being a true Christian means so much more. 

Even so, most of what I talk about, especially on social media, is fun and harmless. Sometimes, however, I do bring up serious stuff; and frankly, if you have a problem with the types of serious things I bring up, then "me thinks thou dost protest too much."

So, if you don't like me occasionally expressing my passion and opinions; or, if you will literally argue/debate in arrogant, condescending, and/or ugly ways every time, then go. You are free.

I will be fine.

We're Way Past Politics

This post is not about politics. If you really want to know my stance on politics (though why would you?), you can read about it here and here. This post is about what lies beneath. Maybe think of it as a cautionary tale.

Bob and Susie are friends.

Bob voted for President Jones, but Susie did not. No big deal.

Over time, President Jones repeatedly and clearly reveals himself to not be very smart. Bob still supports him. Though she feels badly about it, Susie starts to question Bob's intelligence; but eh, still no big deal.

Over time, President Jones also repeatedly and clearly reveals himself to be a man of incredibly low moral character. Bob still supports him. Still feeling at least a little badly, Susie starts to question Bob's morality...and this is a big deal.

Susie starts to ask herself questions like,

• "How can my friend Bob still support Jones?"
• "Does Bob not see (or not care!) about how Jones' words, actions, and presidency are affecting most people, especially people like me?"
• "What does Bob get (or hope to get) out of Jones being president (e.g., financially)?"
• "Is that more important to Bob than all the bad stuff (Mt 6:19-24)?!"
• "Do I really even know Bob, the real Bob??"
• "How is this going to affect our friendship?" ("Were we really ever even friends??")

Again, this is not about politics; this is about one person and those who still, somehow, support follow him. If this is you:

• the rest of us find it all but impossible to believe that you truly care about us, or our children;
• this and this pretty much sum up how just about the entire rest of the world sees you; and,
• if you call yourself a Christian, I plead with you to dig deeper, before it's too late. There is too much out there now from people you've called Brother or Sister to ignore; and, doing so could be deadly (John 9:41).