Why I Left My Church of 30 Years

It was neither quick nor easy; it was very hard and a very long time coming. And as is almost always the case in situations like this, there are multiple reasons.

The overarching reason is that they maintain their very narrow focus on what's important to God. Their foundation is "The Great Commission" when it should be "The Greatest Commandment." Jesus literally told us this (Matthew 22:36-40)!

One "sub-reason," or symptom of the above, is that they use the language of "family" but they are not. It is Corporate America dressed up as a church. Genuine friendships have of course developed, but "coworkers" is a better comparison when looking at the bigger picture:

• People sit in the same place, with the same people, having the same conversations. 
• There is a clear "org chart" hierarchy delineating who matters more.
• Your worth directly correlates to how much you contribute to the bottom line (growing the church).
• Questioning leadership will almost certainly not end well for you.

(Note on "The Great Commission": While God obviously wants everyone to be with Him in the end (2 Peter 3:9), they mistake God's Prime Directive for theirs. And we didn't even get that right(!), i.e., "teach them to obey everything..." We are called to love Him and each other increasingly well (Mark 12:28-31) and let Him make the fruit grow (1 Cor 3:7). It's almost as if they actually believe He needs our help!)

For many of us, the biggest "sub-reason" or symptom goes much deeper. It is about hurt and harm that has come from abuse, justified by their focus on "the mission," and swept under the rug. Hopefully I can be sensitive to those who have lived this literally(!), but it seems very much like finally admitting you are married to a racist, sexist, abusive narcissist, and you just can't do it any more. In fact, you should not.

Some love to say we should fight to keep the world/local culture from creeping into the church; more and more are realizing we're way past that. We have historically prided ourselves on being diverse and not like the world; however, while our membership has been diverse, our leadership and culture have been (and largely continue to be) White, conservative, American patriarchy. Again, Corporate America dressed up as a church.

And sadly, most seem okay staying on this path and definitely not okay with owning our mistakes and harm and truly working toward healing and real growth.

And this is why I and so many others have left / are leaving / will leave.